For those that don’t know much about what’s happened in my life over the last few years, me and Chantelle became less active in the Church between around September 2008 and April 2009. Previous to that, I had been preparing to serve as a full time missionary for the Church. Put simply, I exerted a bit too much pressure on myself and I’d convinced myself that what I was doing was to be expected, that people looked to me as an example, and so on.

What transpired throughout those few months is all behind me – as the title suggests, the past is in the past – but looking back through thoses posts and even considering the events and goings on around that time has made me appreciate that little bit more what is really important. Even though I may have gone a little crazy and gung ho in my approach to living the Gospel, what was important was that the Church was always there, and having that time away from it gave me a little more perspective.

Later in the blog, I actually found quite a reflective and positive post, and I’ve decided to share it an extract of it here.

The Youth of the Church really are a wonder to behold. Future leaders, parents, husbands and wives, I consider it a real challenge and privilege to have the charge to help shape their lives. I love having the opportunity to teach the young men each Sunday, to engage in one on one or class discussions about gospel principles, to listen to their experiences, their insight and their testimonies.

I’m passionate about the Young Men’s programme, and I’ll be posting about various activities and exercises over the coming months, along with snippets from the lessons and discussions we have – partly because I want to share my experiences and testimony of my calling, and also for anyone who stops by and is looking for inspiration for lessons or activities.

We were in Hornsea and we were talking about getting married, and how we both really want to do it, and by the end of the day we’d made the decision to get engaged and start planning a wedding…of course, it wasn’t official until we’d updated our status on Facebook!! ;)

So far it’s been pretty complicated trying to plan it all. At first, we were thinking about hiring a place and then that started to get expensive and messy trying to organise a million different things, and so the talk turned to making it simple, making it our day and using the rest of our time, efforts and money to spend on ourselves and the festivities. When Chantelle’s folks offered to put £5,000 towards the wedding, we thought that it was quite a lot of money to spend on a wedding – turns out these days it’s just a small chunk of change that would get swallowed up in the process, so keeping it simple also keeps it quite economical…!!

Talk also recently turned to church, and how we both missed being there, the people and the atmosphere of being at church. Over the last couple of weeks or so, it also dawned on me that whilst I started seeing reasons for leaving church, and reasons why it might not be true and so on, what I was actually looking for was an excuse to leave, so I could “take a break” from the burdens, and pressures, and responsibilities of being an active member, an example and “pillar” of the stake so to speak. Truth is, when I first joined the church, I went in all guns blazing, with the mindset of “I’ve been given a second chance at life and stuff, I’d better be worth it”, and ended up putting too much pressure on myself, getting into it all too quickly, and turning myself into someone I didn’t really want to be.

Now I’ve been away, I’ve had time to reflect on what I’d been away from, and also to reflect on who I’ve been, who I am, and what I’m doing with my life. I’ve found now that I can very likely still make it through life going to church and being a part of the experience and the atmosphere, and unerstanding and acknowledging what the church stands for, whilst still being me.

This is what I want to achieve – to be a good person, to try and live a good life, and enjoy and take in the teachings of the church, whilst still being true to myself. We’re both looking for a fresh start with a fresh perspective, and I know that I will be taking it easier and steadier this time around so that I can keep myself balanced. I might not agree with absolutely everything, and I’m certainly not perfect, but the church is a good place to be for “life guidance“, and I’m willing to try again and do what I can!

…And that brings us to now…